today is a new day. the sun is shining (well, it's actually pretty overcast!)....the birds are chirping, and both boys are still asleep at 7:15am. today is a new day. I will approach it that way. open mind...positive attitude....and unconditional love for my children.
today my child told me he hates me. he told me he doesn't love me. he told me I'm stupid. he told me these things not once, not twice. to be honest I don't know how many times he told me. I stopped counting a long time ago. guess it's my way of denying that these things are happening in my own family. between my own child and me. does he do it because he's an angry boy? is he a sad child? i don't think he really feels these things. there's something else he's trying to communicate. but what is it? things had gotten so much better the first half of the school year. I really thought we had turned a corner. things are now back to the way they were before he started kindergarten. why? I shake my head and ask myself this question all day. especially at night. that's when it's the worst. I'm typing this at night because my emotions are so fresh, so raw. the whole day bubbles and bubbles in my body until I can't take it anymore. so I write. I don't write because I want attention. i don't write because i want to hear a million suggestions of what we could be doing differently. I write because it's my therapy. I write because it helps me step out of that denial and face the truth. I am fed up and all I know to do is write.
that's right folks....derek is now 36....t-minus 4 to the big 4-0!!! this is my official shout out of HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most amazing husband any woman could ask for....not to mention a flippin fantastic dad to his children! derek is the kind of guy who will do anything for his family, friends, coworkers, anyone really! he leaves for work a little late in the morning if he knows the kids want to see him....he comes home from a stressful day at work and plays with his boys....he comes home early so i can go to book club, the gym, dinner, etc.....he spends extra time with the boys on the weekends just so I can have some time off....he reads to our children.....he's involved in their education....he plays basketball....he plays softball....he coaches andrew's tball team....he is an amazing artist.....he's talented.....he constantly tells me he loves me....and all this with a BIG ol smile on his face....well, most of the time!!!!
let me remind you that I met this amazing guy on america online when I was a senior in high school!!! I'm sure when my dad told my sister and I to "just choose one of these guys to chat with" when we had IM's popping up all over the screen, he had no clue I'd someday marry this guy! so much for internet security, huh?!?! thank god my sis and I chose the guy on the other end of "darrylku".....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE....LYM!!!
