Friday, June 24, 2011

it's ok to be me...

actually, it MORE THAN OK to be me!!!

this is a very recent (as in within the past 48 hours!) self discovery i've made. you see, people always tell me that i'm so self confident and so sure of myself, but inside that has never really been the case. i'm not sure where it came from, but i have ALWAYS been very self conscious of my body. whenever i mention this to a friend, they'll say something along the lines of, "oh please amy. you look great." or "seriously amy? get over yourself!" i'd smile and shy away from the conversation, but inside, i was still feeling icky about myself and my body.

it wasn't until recently, while out celebrating a dear friend's 40th birthday, that something clicked in me. i was the only one there who had not reached the milestone age of 40. i kept listening to these women talk about how they feel that the best part about turning 40, is that they have "arrived." they are finally good with where they are in life, and more importantly, with WHO they are in life. we joked, that i would get there soon enough! well, thankfully that night was an ah-ha moment for me. perhaps i won't even have to wait until i turn 40!

case in point...i NEVER wear a bikini to our community pool. heck, i'm even self conscious when i wear one at the pool/beach on vaca, when the only people i know there are family!!! i'm not sure why, but i am always WAY too self conscious to pull it off. not only that, but i will evaluate the other women (in my head of course), who may be wearing bikinis. i'll think to myself, "if she can do it, so can i"....but alas, i ALWAYS end up in my tankini! it's no doubt that my belly has gotten flabbier over recent years, and that i have stretch marks to boot! i know.....too much info, right!?!? TODAY i decided that these marks and my belly, are ALL MINE! they are ME....they are marks of my accomplishment of carrying and birthing two amazing children! TODAY, i wore my bikini and i felt good about myself!!! i actually stood in the mirror before heading to the pool and said "I am beautiful and I love myself!"

i'm not sure what exactly changed in my mind as i listened to these wonderful women talk about their love for themselves, but i am SO incredibly happy to have been there!!!

i am who i am...and i love me!!!!

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