it's ok to be me...

actually, it MORE THAN OK to be me!!!

this is a very recent (as in within the past 48 hours!) self discovery i've made. you see, people always tell me that i'm so self confident and so sure of myself, but inside that has never really been the case. i'm not sure where it came from, but i have ALWAYS been very self conscious of my body. whenever i mention this to a friend, they'll say something along the lines of, "oh please amy. you look great." or "seriously amy? get over yourself!" i'd smile and shy away from the conversation, but inside, i was still feeling icky about myself and my body.

it wasn't until recently, while out celebrating a dear friend's 40th birthday, that something clicked in me. i was the only one there who had not reached the milestone age of 40. i kept listening to these women talk about how they feel that the best part about turning 40, is that they have "arrived." they are finally good with where they are in life, and more importantly, with WHO they are in life. we joked, that i would get there soon enough! well, thankfully that night was an ah-ha moment for me. perhaps i won't even have to wait until i turn 40!

case in point...i NEVER wear a bikini to our community pool. heck, i'm even self conscious when i wear one at the pool/beach on vaca, when the only people i know there are family!!! i'm not sure why, but i am always WAY too self conscious to pull it off. not only that, but i will evaluate the other women (in my head of course), who may be wearing bikinis. i'll think to myself, "if she can do it, so can i"....but alas, i ALWAYS end up in my tankini! it's no doubt that my belly has gotten flabbier over recent years, and that i have stretch marks to boot! i know.....too much info, right!?!? TODAY i decided that these marks and my belly, are ALL MINE! they are ME....they are marks of my accomplishment of carrying and birthing two amazing children! TODAY, i wore my bikini and i felt good about myself!!! i actually stood in the mirror before heading to the pool and said "I am beautiful and I love myself!"

i'm not sure what exactly changed in my mind as i listened to these wonderful women talk about their love for themselves, but i am SO incredibly happy to have been there!!!

i am who i am...and i love me!!!!

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Size me up

I'm a list maker...a task oriented person. Yes, I'm one of those people, who after completing a task, gets a certain high from marking it off my list. Side note - this is another feature I LOVE about my new iphone...it has a notes application! I'm so anal about this notes thing, that when I do something that's not on my list...let's say, I decide to clean the kitchen (ha!)...I will then add "clean kitchen" to my list and quickly delete it or cross it off! It feels SO good to mark things off my list! I am constantly adding to my list at all hours of the day and even during the night.
Some of the things on my list right now are; upload pictures, order pictures and finish Jacob's thank you notes (I'm still waiting for him to write them himself!). Just about every day, I think to myself, "Oh, I'll do that tonight." Well, once again those things are NOT being marked off my list, because instead, I'm sitting here typing.
Anyway...on to the point of this story...
One thing that does not even earn a place on my list, but is secretly always there, is to return to my pre-pregnancy weight and be able to comfortably fit into my clothes. While I have only squeezed myself back in to one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans and nothing else (I'd like to think it's because maybe I was just too skinny then!), I did buy a pair of shorts at AT Loft and another at NY & Co...both in a single digit size!!! Some people say that stores like these actually "downsize" their clothing to make women feel better about themselves (ie...a size 8 is really a 10 or 12). To that, I say KUDOS...you are brilliant...and you just made me a shopper for life!

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I've thinned out...

...well, at least my cervix has :)

Report from the 38 week doc appointment...I'm now 75% effaced. A little education, for those of you who may not know (aka, my single friends or those w/o child)...it means that my cervix has thinned out even more, which is necessary to move forward toward childbirth. For more graphic details, simply google "effacement of cervix" and click on "images"...you'll find more than you ever wanted to know about childbirth!

I am still just 1cm dialated, but that was somewhat expected. Not that one pregnancy is any indication of another, but with Andrew, I remained 1cm until just days before giving birth, when I progressed to 2cm.

So, while I have a feeling it will be quite a while before I myself "thin out", at least I know that some part of my body is progressing in that direction. Wouldn't it be great if the thinning out process starts with my cervix, and then immediately following childbirth, makes its way to my stomach, and then moves right on up to my chest. That would be fantastic, but something tells me it's not likely to happen that way! I can honestly say, I am not looking forward to having boobs the size of hams! Guess that's one of the small (well, big!) prices we pay, to bring a beautiful baby into the world.

The doc estimated the baby's current weight to be somewhere between 7-7 1/2 pounds. Keep in mind this little nugget still has the potential to gain half a pound each week he/she decides to remain inside my waterworld. So, if I go full term (2 more weeks), it could possibly be a 8-8 1/2 pound baby. Side note...Andrew was 8lbs 6 oz, born at 40 weeks and 4 days.

Here's an idea of what the baby looks like now. If you ask me, I think she looks just like her mommy ;). No, that's not an indication that we found out the sex...just my own premonition.

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